-Here’s our favorite jokes of the week. [ Cheers and applause ] The White House held an event this afternoon to honor the military dog used in the raid on the leader of ISIS. Of course, the poor thing had no idea what was going on, and neither did the dog. President Trump, this afternoon,
♪ -The Puppy Predictors! ♪ -Welcome to the Puppy Predictors Super Bowl LII Edition. Here’s how it works. We have 11 puppies, we have two bowls of kibble, one representing the New England Patriots, the other representing the Philadelphia Eagles. Whichever team’s bowl gets the most puppies will be crowned the Super Bowl champs. Now…
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. YOU CAN FEEL THE EXCITEMENT. YOU KNOW WHY? THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING. WE’RE JUST TWO DAYS AWAY FROM THANKSGIVING. IF YOU WANT MOIST BREAST MEAT, PUT YOUR TURKEY IN THE OVEN NOW, AT 75 DEGREES FOR 48 HOURS.( LAUGHTER ) TODAY, THE
(Mario Snoring) Jeffy: Hey, Daddy. Hey. (psst) Hey daddy. Mario: What do you want, Jeffy? Jeffy: Um, can me and Pee Pee Suck go outside and play? Mario: Sure, sure Jeffy just leave me alone I’m taking a nap.. Jeffy: Okay thanks daddy, come on Pee Pee Suck lets go. Jeffy: Alright, Mr. Pee Pee
-Playing tonight, we have an Oscar-nominated actress who stars in the new movie “The Wife.” It’s Glenn Close right there! [ Cheers and applause ] And from “Stranger Things” and the upcoming film, “Dog Days,” it’s Finn Wolfhard, everybody! [ Cheers and applause ] And this is the first puppy up for grabs tonight. This
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND “STAY HUMAN” RIGHT NOW! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ OH, OH! FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU, NO MISTAKING A MONDAY CROWD. THAT’S IT RIGHT HERE, THEY’RE ON THE PLANET. FOLKS, I’M A BIG ANIMAL LOVER. THAT’S WHY I DO WHATEVER I CAN TO HELP
>>Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME, KEVIN HART! ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )>>HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! IT’S AMAZING, ISN’T IT? GOOD FOR YOU.>>Stephen: PEOPLE VERY EXCITED ABOUT KEVIN HART.>>OH, STOP IT! STOP THAT!>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. THAT’S AN AMAZING RESPONSE, BUT YOU MUST BE USED TO THAT PAUSE YOU’RE ONE OF THE FEW COMEDIANS IN THE WORLD, YOU
-[ Laughs ] Great one. That was a great one, James. Welcome back to “The Tonight Show.” It is time to play “Pup Quiz”! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Playing tonight, he is a baker, he is an actor, he is the star of the new HBO series “The Deuce.” It is James Franco!