Poodles are Plotting Schemers


Hey guys, what’s up, it’s Mike. So the other day,
me and my girlfriend are out, just taking a walk. Not working, not talking about
pets, just taking a walk. And funny enough,
wouldn’t you know it, across the street we see
a lady walking a poodle. Honestly, I’m surprised
it’s taken this long. It’s only a matter
of time until Zoey says, something,
something, something, we should get a poodle. I figured this
whole conversation about having a pet was to
come to dogs sooner or later. So I’m there and
I’m ready with it, and I’m like poodles
are wild animals. Poodles aren’t wild animals, OK? Poodles are poodles. I’m like, shh. Beep, beep. Poodles are wild animals. Let’s start with intelligence. Poodles are the second most
intelligent breed of dog, right next to border collie. I don’t want a dog that’s
smarter than me, OK. I’ve seen those shows. I’ve seen a poodle juggle
before, I’m pretty sure. I don’t need to be
a dog owner that’s constantly out-shined
by their pet. I don’t want to just be
sitting on the couch, and having this thing
look at me, scheming. Plotting how it’s going to
take over my side of the bed. You know how hard I fought
to sleep by the door. We used to live by Yale. And now my dog could
possibly be going there? Is These dog’s are too
smart to keep as pets. What if we sent it away
to obedience school and it comes back with
like a cap and gown, and one of those summa
cum laude sashes. I can’t deal with that. I’m kind of an underachiever. I need a dog that’s going to sit
right below that, obediently. If I’m out there
walking this thing, I want a dog to look like a dog. I don’t want it look
like somebody ripped open a throw pillow. I don’t need people
coming up to me and being like, how do
you keep his so fluffy, what do you feed it? Dog food, because it’s a dog. Here’s a thing. Dogs can have up to 220 million
smell sensitive receptors. Where human beings only
have about five million. Meaning that if you make
quesadillas for dinner again, I could kill it. Poodles are part of
the Canis lupus family. Other members of
this family include dingos and 39 other
types of wolves. Should they decide
to have a family reunion, that would be horrible. A dog’s mouth exerts up to 200
pounds of pressure per inch, with some dogs exerting up
to 450 pounds of pressure. Which essentially means it can
easily crush anything we own. Say goodbye to the coffee
table, Xbox controllers, any bones you may have. At one-year-old, a dog
is physically as mature as a 15-year-old human being. I’ve been beaten up by
15-year-olds before, recently. I know that you about rabies. I’m not going to
talk like you don’t. But I will condescending
back in up with some figures. Over 90% of all rabies related
deaths are from dog bites. Boom, you just got
condescending facted. Every year, rabies causes
about 55,000 human deaths. And 50,000 of those
are from dog bites. In 2002, more people in the
US were killed by dog bites, then by shark attacks
in the past 100 years. That should take care
of the shark episode. And that’s why we
can’t get a poodle. Plus, their hearing
is like 10 times more acute than a human beings, so
I can’t even talk crap about it behind its back. It’s probably
listening right now.

100 thoughts on “Poodles are Plotting Schemers

  • can you do an episode about lambs . . .cause I want to see a bunch of baby lambs . . not old ugly sheep . . .just baby lambs . . .

  • Your facts are a little off my friend. You left out the fact that the rabies deaths are in third world countries and are from wild dogs who are not vaccinated. There are less than 100 deaths in the US from rabies.  

  • Okay we all know Mike is amazing, but can we please just take a moment to acknowledge how amazing Zoja is!? Love you CoffeeGirl!

  • The degree to which their relationship is emulated is eerily high. She doesn't practice that face, y'all.  😉

  • I have a poodle… it does my math homework…I saw plans on my dinner table for a scheme to take over the house…it's too smart to leave them out on the table because it forgot…the plans are probably false…it is all a trap… SAVE ME, MY POODLE….. static

  • I have a pit bull. In the first few weeks of having my dog he bit the analog sticks and pretty much broke my xbox controller. He destroyed shoes and things we owned but now he is fine. He is just really really really hyper.

  • I love these animal videos but I have to ask a question.  Do you really have an issue with pets (animals)?  The reason I asked is I was telling a friend about these vids and she assumed that you didn't have issues with animals you were just being a control freak with your girlfriend and selfishly saying not pets without considering her desire for a pet in the apartment where you live.  I do really like these vids so keep them up I'll just avoid this topic with my friend.  By the way she has 3 cats.

  • My dog is a goldendoodle, which is odd that my dog is a poodle and golden retrever mix, which is 2 dogs his girlfriend wanted. He bit up our house and is WAY TOO SMART

  • Try hermit crabs 😀  once you set up their terrarium, you only have to water them and put in their food and change it once every….3 months maybe? (depends on how big a terrarium you have).  Feed them fruits and mealworms, give them a salt water bowl, and a fresh water bowl, and some shells, and enough room to bury themselves down when they molt, and boom.  Great pet.  Nocturnal too, sleep most of the day, and make a cute chirpy kind of noise.

  • Hi i just wanted to share with you guy this page i came across the other day. I love my Poodles and I am  always looking for the best products on the market. Hope this helps.
    Blessings

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/161366472679?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

  • Too funny! I laughed so hard I startled my poodles when you said they look like a throw pillow that's been ripped open! Hilarious!

    Listen to your girlfriend. Get a poodle. Get two, because one is never enough. Sure they're uber smart, but just hanging around with them will add points to your IQ score. 🙂

  • At first I was like "NO! Poodles are total sweeties!" But then he said all that stuff about them being smarter than people, plotting to take over the bed, dancing, juggling, beating people up, and oddly enough, being very wolf-like, and I realized… my poodle did all of this. And STILL managed to look like a total diva 24/7.  Poodles are badass.

  • Hilarious!!!  Plotting Schemers… yes!  Doug (God rest his soul), my Mini Poo, was not allowed on my bed… until I couldn't take it anymore!  Since I brought him home at 12 weeks, he woke me up nightly (what seemed like) every 20 minutes just by putting his front paws on the top of the mattress.  I kept getting up to let him out, but the paws kept hitting the mattress every 20 minutes.  It took a year, but I gave in.  I needed more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time! 

    Doug was not smarter than me.  Even though he always knew when a commercial was on TV, and therefore I was available (in his eyes) for playtime, he never could walk to the door to tell me he wanted out; he would walk up to me and just stare.

    Is following me around while staring and barking part of scheming?  Because, collectively, that's what he did that bothered me the most.  He didn't like when I watched TV, read the paper or surfed the net. He didn't like that I wanted to put my coat in the closet and take a bathroom break when I got home. Once he barked at me when I was done cooking dinner but letting it cool.  He didn't like most anything that I did that didn't involve him having fun.  If I wanted this I would have had a kid… or gotten married. 

    I never thought I was in any danger, but I did see an ophthalmologist when he scratched my eye and a dentist when he knocked his head into my teeth.  No loose teeth… just concerned.  In his younger years I sang to him "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran and "Rough Boys" by Peter Townshend.  It was a LONG 12 years together, but I'd do it all over again.  I loved my Poodle.

  • Umm fuck you @Furrocious  I have 3. They are so smart and loyal. There not wild animals. They are family. So if I were you I would shut the hell up! Sorry if this is a joke Heheh….. Just love my poodles… Nope never mind. You still said shit about them. So fuck you 🙂

  • Poodles are smarter than this guy.  She should leave him and get a house loaded full of them   🙂         Obviously this guy is not intelligent.  He would definitely be out-shined by a poodle.

  • I have 2 standard poodles.  I remember walking the chocolate one down the street one day and a burly/beefy construction worker (working at a neighbors house) asked what kind of dog it is.  I have to admit that face with some beefy construction worker I lied and said that it was a Portuguese water dog.  To which the guy replied that it was beautiful.

    I have to wonder if he would have replied the same had I told him that it was a Poodle.

    They are indeed smart, my last one (who passed away at 5 years old due to cancer) could be taught almost anything within about 3 hours.  He could be taught to sit, laydown, roll over, stay, heal, backflips in no time at all.  I swear he learned things quicker than any of the Labs that I've had over my lifetime.

    My latest chocolate Poodle is just as smart and talk about obedient, wow! I had the neighbors over for July 4th and brought out my 2 poodles at the end of the night, and the neighbors kids all wanted to take picutures of themselves with the dogs. The situation was chaotic, with kids running all over the place and fireworks going off in the sky producing the big "booms" that normally scare many dogs. The children wanted to take photos hanging onto the dogs, so I snapped my fingers like usual and gave the command to sit. The chocolate Poodle immediately sits and the kids take their photos, the white one on the other hand went about her own agenda. I remember the one boy trying to snap his fingers and giving the command to sit and my Poo just ignored him as he's really only trained to listen to me.

    I give a "warble" type of whistle that only I can give in our house and he immidiately recognizes it and comes running. Also works great with the kids in the house when we get seperated at places like Walmart of Target. I stat my warble type of whistle and the kids (and my wife) follow the sounds to find me. Although it is a bit odd the looks that I get from other customers when I start to whistle like that to alert my family that we are separated and need to regrourp.

  • I grew up with a toy poodle who almost lived to be 15. That dog was the devil, and she knew it. She would sit across the room and stare at me for hours and then eventually would just attack me for no reason. When we got a new puppy, she purposely led him out into the road the first time we let him outside with her, and once he got to the road she sprinted back into the house and left him. Still, I couldn't help but love her to death for how intelligent she was.. because when my mom was sick with ALS, our poodle never left her side.

  • I have a toy poodle (I've pretty much grown up with her), and oh my word, she is a character. She's sweet and loves cuddles– especially if you wrap her up in a blanket and hold her like a baby– but she can also be very vindictive. Once, my grandmother told her "no" harshly when she was begging for food from the table. Hours later, we found that our poodle had peed on my grandmother's placemat (yes, on the damn table) when we weren't looking. The same thing happened with my dad a few months later.

    She also stole an entire friggin' piece of pizza off the kitchen island-counter. She hopped up on the chair, had her front paws on the counter, and as soon as my mom walked into the kitchen, our poodle stared her right in the eye for a solid two seconds before ripping a slice of pizza from the open pizza box and ran off with it.

    I adore her though. Sometimes I wonder if reincarnation is really a thing and our poodle was a human in a past life. She always knows when one of the family members are sick, and wherever they're laying down, our poodle is there curled up next to them (or draped across their feet like a little foot warmer).

  • i have a standard poodle and hes very smart but he wouldn't dare be a bad boy, i just started my channel to share the fun , your video is so fun Im also from CT

  • mais OUI…..poodles are manipulative little creatures….I can attest to this…come visit my Apricot teacup Geneva…7 months and 3.3 lbs of gorgeous FLUFF …Xo

  • lol, I like how funny your video is, but you gotta be a pretty sucky human to be outshone by a dog, even if it's the second smartest breed.

  • I have a miniature poodle and he can be a tyrant. He's too smart for his own good. When he wants a treat and I'm ignoring him he will head to the back door and scratch at it. He's pretending he has to go to the bathroom so I will get up to let him out. Then when I open the door he just stands there looking at me. I think he's thinking, "well now that you're up, would you get me a treat?"

  • Rabies???  Seriously. . .duh. . .that's why you have them vaccinated!  It takes a special person to be a poodle parent. . .I have two poodle fur babies. . .love them to bits!

  • First of all,the smartest dog in the world still only has the vocabulary of a 1st grader. Second, you shouldn't worry about the poodle being smarter than you, because every animal on this planet already is.

  • You're retarded. This isn't funny if it's supposed to be a joke either. Anyone can use complaining as material but it just makes you look uncreative

  • I have two poodles, and they're about as stupid as dogs get.
    And btw all dogs are in the canis lupus species. Domestic dogs are the familiaris subspecies of canis lupus.

  • I have a shepadoodle (German Shepard and standard poodle). She acts like a cunning three year old. If I take something from her, she'll give it up easily, go play with something else, and within 10 minutes she has it again… having waited until my attention has dumbed down, and snuck back around, darted in and absconded with said no-no, LOL!! Then she comes up and shows it to me like nanner-nanner, hey, don't you wanna play now?! I Love the fact she's so smart, yet loving like big, long legged teddy bear…..that doesn't shed * !!

  • Won't watch cause of adds. Was paying 160$ a month to watch network tv and 20 minutes of commercials every hour. No more. My time is the most valuable thing I have. Have a nice day, love poodles.

  • I watched this to cheer me up, because I,m crying as my senior miniature poodle is dying
    Please pray for me to be brave

  • Sorry Mike your doomed. If your lady wants a poodle your gonna get a poodle. They are wonderful dogs by the way I grew up with poodles, and yes they are smarter than you, you just have to deal with it LOL.

  • Thought this was going to be Poodles plotting and being schemers, or at least entertaining. That pretty girl wasn't really your gf wasn't?

  • Poodles are not only remarkably clever, but also have one of the strongest instinctual behavior bases – which means that they have some strikingly wolf-like habits. And they may look frilly, but they're frighteningly effective retrievers and excellent guard dogs (if properly trained) with powerful hind legs that allow them to tackle better than much heavier breds, which means that playtime can, and will, get physical.

    This of course applies mostly to standard (i.e., large) poodles – most miniature and toy poodles have had their instinct bred out of them. Those that haven't are absolutey awesome wild balls of fuzz.

  • Poodles are infinitely more scheming than cats. And they have a sniper's focus. Waiting. Just waiting.

  • I love my poodles. They are do smart. It would be hard for me to get another breed as less smart dogs driver nuts. Lol.

  • i absolutely love this video you are hilarious !!😂😂the part where you said you used to live next to Yale and you would have a dog that could possibly be going there lol too funny Im a poodle-mom my baby is 2 months old and intelligent already 😊

  • You speak the truth.. Thank you for that hilarious ( I had to ask my poodle "Tuk" for the spelling) commentary. I will only ever have a poodle in my life. If I could get him to vacuum, life would be grand.

  • I had a friend who had a toy poodle that had a constant boner. I was terrified to be next to that dog, afraid I was gonna be humped

  • My standard poodle wanted a bully stick our miniature poodle was chewing. So he went to the door and started barking at nothing, knowing she would drop what she was doing and run to the door to investigate. When she did exactly what he anticipated, he strolled over and stole her bully stick from the couch. Poor little Coco came back and couldn't find her chew toy. That's how smart they are.

  • THEY are incredible schemers, very manipulative give them an inch and they will take a mile!! They think their people.

  • Yes they are! Let me tell you, we have a female and a male! After everyone goes to sleep, ITS PARTY TIME!

    Im talking about stealing candy out of the refrigerator! Our female Poodle is a pillow thief but the male poodle will give you the pillow and use you as his pillow!

    They are also WONDERFUL watch dogs! I would argue that they are among the best watch dogs in the world! Our Poodles know our cars! They watch the security cameras and even know when we are home compared to a stranger simply by watching the cameras alone!

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