King Charles II, Queen Victoria,
Bradley. Moira, Dash, Lemon Lime. What else is there to say? So much. ♪ [music] ♪ The ignominy of our pedigree is unbearable. Centuries ago, back when we
were plain old toy spaniels in England, there was a flea problem.
To keep them off our aristocrat owners, we were bred with a long, welcoming
coat. Our job was to attract fleas, like fly paper that can feel pain.
But dammit, we endured every disgrace until 1926, when our savior,
Roswell Eldridge appeared. he became obsessed with us, naturally. Thanks to him, our faces
elongated, our skulls flattened, we were given a softer and gentler look,
and named for our aristocratic heritage. And finally after decades, voila.
But, when you’re a hot property, the rumors start to follow.
Just because I look so young, people say I’m in a permanent
state of arrested development. I take offense to that.
If I’m such a child, why does my vet tell me my brain
is literally too big for my head. Yes, I’ve had a bit of work done to keep
me alive. Just for my syringomyelia, heart valve disease,
macrothrombocytopenia, luxating patellas, keratoconjunctivitis. Listen. He tells me I’m the healthiest
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel he’s ever seen. Oh, apparently we’re also prone
to hearing loss, but I’ve never heard him mention it. But enough about me.
This is about you, because we weren’t bred to be puppies. We were bred
to be the ultimate companion. So, if you have trouble making human
friends or if they’re all jealous of you or dead, let’s see what I can do for you.
Did someone cut you off in traffic? I would be entranced by a reenactment.
Do you have clever things to yell at TV shows? I will listen to them for
hours. Do you need something moderately warm that can feign understanding to hold
while you cry? I’m so devoted to you, I can’t even naturally produce my own
tears. Honestly, my vet says it’s a serious problem. Tell you what.
Just sit on your sofa, brush my hair for hours and think
about how I can never, ever tell you you’re wrong. That’s really
all you need, right? ♪ [music] ♪