Key & Peele – Puppy Dog Ice-T


– HEY, BABE.
– HI. UM, I MADE A REALLY BIG DECISION
WITHOUT CONSULTING YOU. I WENT BY A PUPPY RESCUE STAND
ON UNIVERSITY AVENUE. I HAD TO. I HAD TO. – YOU GOT US A DOG?
– YEAH, I DID. – OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! – SO, HONEY, I’VE GOTTA
TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY? – MM-HM. – THESE RESCUE DOGS HAVE
HAD SOME TOUGH SITUATIONS. – OH. – AND A LOT OF THEM TAKE ON
THE PERSONALITY OF THEIR OWNERS. THIS DOG…
– MM-HM. – WAS OWNED BY RAPPER ICE-T. ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BUDDY,
COME ON OUT. – AWW. – [gasps] – OH, HELLO,
MY LITTLE DARLING. OH!
– MAN, [bleep] YOU. YOU, SUCK MY [bleep]. THIS HOUSE AIN’T [bleep]. – OKAY, BUDDY, TAKE IT EASY. – A LITTLE TESTY.
– WHOA. – [bleep] YOU, [bleep]. NOTHIN’ EVER BEEN EASY
FOR ME IN MY LIFE. NOW HOOK ME UP WITH A TREAT.
– YOU WANT A TREAT, BUDDY? – YOU WANT A TREAT?
– IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? HERE WE GO, SWEETIE.
HERE WE GO. – MM, YEAH, THAT’S
A TASTY-ASS TREAT RIGHT THERE. NOW GIVE ME THE WHOLE BAG.
– OKAY, ONE TREAT IS ENOUGH. – BITCH, WAS I TALKING TO YOU? GIVE ME THE WHOLE BAG OF TREATS
‘CAUSE I’M A TREAT KILLER AND A MOTHER[bleep] HANDFUL. – SOMEBODY’S GRUMPY TODAY.
– GRUMPY-WUMPY. – LAY MY ASS RIGHT UP
ON THIS COMFORTABLE-ASS SOFA. – [laughs] – I’M GONNA SLEEP ON THIS BITCH
TOO, AS A MATTER OF FACT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
MOTHER[bleep] AND BITCH? I’M GONNA PISS AND [bleep]
UP HERE TOO. – NO! OH, NO! NO, NO, NO!
– [bleep] YOU, MAN. RAISE YOUR HAND AT ME. – OKAY, UM, I’VE GOT
SOMETHING FOR YOU, LITTLE GUY. HUH? HUH?
YOU WANNA PLAY FETCH? YOU WANNA PLAY FETCH?
YOU LIKE FETCH, HUH? – GET THAT BALL.
– [bleep] YOU! BOTH Y’ALL CONDESCENDING
MOTHER[bleep]. I AIN’T YOUR ENTERTAINMENT,
BITCH. SO [bleep] YOU!
[Dog barking at door] – OH, WHAT’S THAT?
– GET THE DOOR, OKAY? UH… – WELL, HELLO.
WHO IS THIS? – COME ON, COCOA, DON’T WORRY
ABOUT THESE MOTHER[bleep]. THAT’S MY BITCH COCOA. OH, I FORGOT TO TELL Y’ALL,
SHE’S GONNA BE LIVING HERE TOO. – WOW, OKAY, YOU GOT
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE. – YEAH. – YEAH, WELL YOU CAN–SHE
CAN PLAY HERE FOR A WHILE, SURE. – PUPPY PLAY DATE.
– YEAH. – PLAY DATE?
WE GONNA HAVE A [bleep] DATE. THAT’S WHAT
WE GONNA HAVE, BITCH. COME HERE, BITCH.
[sniffing] [licking sounds]
– OH, HE’S– – ARE YOU–
– OKAY, HE’S DOING THAT. NO, NO, DON’T DO IT.
– YEAH, THAT’S MY SHIH TZU. – OH.
– OH, DEAR. – GET THE [bleep]
OUT OF HERE! IT’S ABOUT TO GET GRAPHIC
IN THIS BITCH! – OH, BOY.
– [licking sounds] – HOW COME YOU DON’T
DO THAT WITH ME? – HONEY, I TOLD YOU.
– HE DOES IT. – I JUST WANT
TO KEEP THIS AREA CLEAN.

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