Key & Peele – Confederate Reenactors


– MEN, AS WE LAUNCH
THE COUNTERATTACK AGAINST THE UNION ARMY,
WE MUST REMEMBER THAT EVEN THOUGH WE MAY DIE A GLORIOUS DEATH
ON THE BATTLEFIELD, WE DO SO TO PRESERVE
A WAY OF LIFE. THE SOUTHERN WAY OF LIFE. A WAY OF LIFE
SO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL THAT NO MAN NOR GOVERNMENT
CAN TAKE THIS AWAY FROM US. THE RIGHT… THE RIGHT TO PRESERVE. OUR OWN SO– TO– WE A–
OH, [bleep]. – WELL, HELLO THERE, MASSA.
SORRY WE LATE. – SHORE DIDN’T MEAN
TO SNEAK UP ON YA, SIR. – LOOK, FELLAS,
WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE A NICE, LITTLE CIVIL WAR
REENACTMENT HERE. WE DON’T WANT ANY TROUBLE. – SO ARE WE, SIR. WE–WE–WE TRYING TO HAVE
A REAL NICE REENACTMENT. WE CERTAINLY DON’T WANNA CAUSE
ANY TROUBLE EITHER. DO WE, SAM? – YOU ALWAYS TAUGHT US TROUBLE ONLY COMES TO THOSE
WHO GONE DONE LOOKIN’ FOR IT. – SO DON’T STOP YOUR SPEECHIN’
ON OUR ACCOUNT. [giggles] – AS JEFFERSON DA–OKAY, I KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE DOING. I GET IT. – WHAT WE DOIN’, SIR? I DON’T KNOW
WHAT YOU TALKIN’ ‘BOUT. DO YOU KNOW
WHAT HE TALKIN’ ‘BOUT, SAM? – WHY, WE JUST HERE
TO SLAVE ON ABOUT, ANY OLE WHICH WAY
YOU WANT US TO. – HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE, JUST BECAUSE WE’RE DRESSED
LIKE CONFEDERATE SOLDIERS DOESN’T MEAN
WE’RE PRO SLAVERY? WE’RE JUST HERE TO PRESERVE THE PURE AND BEAUTIFUL SLICE
OF SOUTHERN HISTORY. – YEAH, PURE AND BEAUTIFUL…
SLICE. – OH, LORDY, LORDY, LORDY!
WE SORRY, BOSS! OH, WE SO SORRY! – PLEASE DON’T
GIVE US THE WHIP. – OKAY, NOBODY’S GONNA WHIP
ANYBODY, JUST STOP IT. – YEAH, JUST STOP IT. – ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, JUST–
JUST IGNORE ‘EM. ALL RIGHT? NOW, WE’RE HERE
TO PRESERVE OUR WAY OF LIFE. THE SOUTH HAS A RIGHT TO OWN–
both: ♪ OH, MY LORD, LORD ♪ – THE SOUTH
HAS A WAY OF LIFE– both: ♪ OH, MY LORD ♪
– THE UNION CANNOT STOP US FR– both: ♪ OH, MY LORD, LORD ♪ ♪ OH, MY LORD… ♪ – THE UNION YANKEE BASTARDS
CANNOT STOP US– – ♪ OH, LORD! ♪ – ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!
STOP IT! THAT’S ENOUGH! YOU WANNA BE PART OF THIS
REENACTMENT? FINE.
YOU’RE PART OF IT. GO–GO FETCH US SOME MUNITIONS
AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT– DON’T JUST STAND THERE
LIKE A BUNCH OF LAZY [bleep]. – THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
– THAT IS ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR. – GENTLEMEN,
GIVE US YOUR CASH AND ANYTHING THAT IS
AN ACTUAL COLLECTOR’S ITEM. – YOU RACIST MOTHER[bleep]. – OKAY.
DON’T HAVE ALL DAY, MAN. OKAY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. WALLETS, WALLETS,
WALLETS, WALLETS. – THAT’S A VERY NICE PIECE. THESE ARE HEAVY.

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