Family Guy – Peters Giant Pet Crab


And we’re back with our coverage of the Quahog Thanksgiving Day Parade. Happy Turkey Day Quahog! This is Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney live at the parade We’ve got some on-and-off drizzle here today And we’re a little wet as you can see because apparently there are no awnings that exist anywhere There’s your top news story right there, mysterious awning shortage ravages the Northeast but miraculously has not affected channels 2 or 6 No no, keep the camera over there, I want everyone to see it This is why we’re third and here comes our first float of the day Tom It’s the James Woods high football team with they’re not gay review We just won the big game. We just won the big game. We drilled ’em and banged em’ and plowed ’em a lot and though that sounds suggestive Let me stress that it’s not Oh, that must be Joe and Bonnie Now remember everyone let’s be cheerful because Thanksgivings are very hard for them because Joe can’t walk? No. because his bum doesn’t open up to poo anymore and a nurse has to go digging up there to get up after his stuff? *laughing* oh my god *laughing* I know, that was told to me in confidence. No, don’t you remember Peter? It was on Thanksgiving that their son Kevin got killed in Iraq Look who’s here! Happy Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble. You guys, thanks so much for having us over Well, we’re just glad we can have people over again now that that giant crabs gone. Hey guys, how you doing, come on in! no no no nope no no no no nope Just go around it, he’s not gonna hurt you, just go around it. nope no no no nope no no no no nope All right, all right. Try just going under him. I think we should probably just go home. Maybe we’ll do it another time no no no no no no no no no What the hell? Mom! Mom it’s me! Mom! oh yeah, it’s a baby. It’s a big balloon baby, just like you’re a baby. No, It’s me! It’s a balloon of me! Peter come look at this. He sees a baby and knows that he’s also a baby. So smart, mama’s smart little boy Check out Quagmire, it’s been a year and a half and he still looks uncomfortable around his dad. Well it’s a big adjustment, after all his dad did have a sex change operation So uh, how are things dad? Oh Glenn, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be back here. This is gonna be a really special Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving We brought chicken wings. Oh yum! I hope they’re the kind with the bone removed Hey Aunt Carol, hey Uncle Adam Lalala. Don’t mention last night’s Project Runway. I’ve got it on TiVo. Happy Thanksgiving. I brought marshmallow peeps. Oh Okay… I’m gonna need that pyrex dish back. Okay. I’m gonna need it back now Oh.. I don’t want anything else today to get as tense as that just got. Carol it’s so good to see you! You too Lois. God, that is one nice ass ⏤ Thank you ⏤ You’re welcome. This is nice. This is very nice, the time that we’re spending together right now ⏤ Easy Joe. *sigh* Sorry, just making mental memories for when you’re all inevitably dead and I’m left alone. Geez, Quagmire help me out with this. No, he’s right. I mean sometimes chicks die and it’s not anyone’s fault. Ok everyone it’s 2:30, time for dinner Because on Thanksgiving, 2:30 is dinner time for some reason Oh my Lois, those sweet potatoes look delicious That’s the stuffing ma. Now put on your glasses before you run over another black guy. Oh this looks fantastic, I can’t wait to poop this out. Hey, who’s gonna get the Thanksgiving dump trophy this year? You are! Dad’s gonna get it! Who else? Well, dig in everyone Hello Ida. Hello Brian. How have you been? Very well, thank you. He threw up when he found out you were a monster. This food is so f***ing good Lois Oh, ok. Wow. Hey. Is there room at that table for one more. *gasp* Oh my god! Kevin Swanson! Son, you’re alive! Oh, and I stayed up all night writing dead kid jokes. All right, you know what I’m gonna do one anyways. Kevin go back outside! Hey, everybody pretend this didn’t happen Hey Joe, what’s your favorite preparation of a tomato? Is it son-died tomato? Is it son-died tomato? Okay, Kevin, you can come back in welcome home soldier *chuckles* Son-died tomato

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