Drunken Dog Show: Episode THREE


(BURP) Like seriously! BURP ONE! F***in like every show you have to f***ing burp! I DO! We’re never gonna get off like B reel! AT LEAST I’M CONSISTENT! Right! They’re gonna call it Burp in Show Bitch. Best-in-Show Burp! I WANT A SHIRT THAT SAYS THAT. LITERALLY! This series is meant for entertainment
purposes only and the consumption of alcohol is implied. Episodes are
previously recorded and edited to help protect the integrity of the sport, the dogs and the handlers. So we’re in Greenville, South Carolina. I don’t know what Kennel Club it is. Could be Piedmont. IT SAYS IT OVER THERE. IT SAYS GREENVILLE KENNEL CLUB. Too far for me to read. THERE WE ARE! The Terrier Group has started are we are behind. WE ARE BEHIND As usual We are playing catch up. WE HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE WAITING. ALRIGHTY THEN. Thanks! Like Almost… WE HAVE BUTT… Almost the perfect scene YES, WE’RE DOING DRUNKEN COMMENTARY! Wait!, luckily Luckily, you bent over perfectly THANK YOU. WE APPRECIATED IT. To start the show. WE BOTH ENJOYED IT! THANK YOU! My pleasure COME IN HERE! Get in. DO YOU WANT TO SIT WITH US? Come on girl! Oh Yeah! YEAAAHHH!!!!! This is the Staffie Bull Terrier if we can even see it. I DON’T KNOW THAT WE CAN SEE IT. I don’t know. I would like for you people to clear this area. THIS IS LIKE A HORRIBLE POSITION. Maybe keep it down. I am really surprised you don’t see more butts. Oh, I see a butt. Yes! We’ve got butts galore! This is the Manchester Terrier. THEY’RE NOT COMING DOWN FAR ENOUGH! Yes this is a Manchester Terrier. This is Donna Mills. YEAHHHHHH! Is my butt in the way? LITTLE BIT. No. It’s Alright. IT’S FINE I CAN’T SEE A SINGLE DOG ANYWAY, SOOOO. Yes, we are gonna have to maybe. MAYBE WE COULD MOVE OVER THERE. ALL I HAVE ARE BUTTS Yeah. THAT’S IT! IT’S A NICE BUTT! His name is Pirate. OHHHH I bred him YOU MADE HIM? YOU MADE THAT? Yeah! CUTE! Number one dock diving smooth. OHHHHH My f***in titties are sweating and I have hardly drank s**t! Having hot flashes YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH! HOW CUTE. WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT? Where? Right there? WHAT IS IT? That’s a
Parson Russell Terrier That’s the one that when we talked. About the spanning and we talked about it if you watch the one from Mississippi. YEAH! And if you didn’t you need to… YOU NEED TO GO BACK AND WATCH IT After you watch this one, go back AND SPAN IT’S CHEST. IT’S SO CUTE THOUGH! LOOK AT THAT! WHEN ALL YOU’RE DOING IS LOOKING AT BUTTS. I know, SERIOUSLY! You can only look at so many butts. They all have jackets covering them or skirts. AT LEAST LIKE BEND OVER OR SOMETHING! Right, bend over or something. Nobody puts Baby in the corner. WE GOT PUT IN THE CORNER. We tried to find a spot where we weren’t WE DIDN’T WANT TO BE INTRUSIVE. In the way. Right! LIKE WE DON’T WANNA BE LIKE THAT! Right! BUT! We also would like for you to see something. RIGHT! BESIDES BUTT. If we can’t see it, you can’t see it. And I think they won’t allow for us to put the camera in the middle of the floor. NO! That’s the Skye Terrier. YES, WE CAN KINDA SEE IT. With Adam Peterson. I LIKE THAT SKYE! I LIKE THE COLOR. IT’S PROBABLY WHAT MY HAIR WOULD BE IF I DIDN’T COLOR IT. Right! If I black out it’s because I am hot. It has nothing to do with the spider bite on my right nipple. IT’S REALLY HOT AND SWOLLEN It’s that and… I’m not showing it! It is right here where my pecs should be. If I had pecs. IT’S LIKE A THIRD BOOBIE! Yeah! It’s awful! I’d tell you all about these dogs that
we’re not seeing. THAT WE’RE NOT SEEING. But We don’t have a crew. It’s just us. We do work during the day. I TOOK A NAP THOUGH. I DID. IT WAS A LONG DRIVE! THAT IS YOUR DOG THAT WE CAN’T SEE. That’s Pirate my Smooth Fox Terrier. OHHHH OH OH OH! THERE IT IS AHHHHHH Just a glimpse. Just a glimpse THEY ARE LINING UP. This group is almost over, AND I AM SO HAPPY YOU WERE ABLE TO MISS THE ENTIRE GROUP. Right! Thanks table placement guy! HOLD ON….(BURP) The End! Now this is a great angle as they come in and go around. RIGHT! WE FINALLY HAVE SOMETHING. Right. We have something for you to see. OH! TAFFE’S HERE! I DIDN’T SEE HER! Because your couldn’t because there was nothing but asses in our way. The Welsh Terrier with Louis, the Amstaff -American Staffordshire Terrier with Diego The Norwich Terrier with Taffe McFadden and the Irish Terrier, with Frank Murphy. These are the guest cups. RIGHT? You get to drink out of IF YOU ARE OUR GUEST. And you can share germs. I HAVE STRAWS! Look how lucky we are to have such a close up of the number of dog in the country. I KNOW! THE NUMBER OF DOG IN THE COUNTRY! It’s like… stunning! Look! It even looked right at the camera! THERE HE IS! HE KNOWS! He’s so smart! He knows! HE KNOWS HE’S BEAUTIFUL BONO IS PRETTY COOL! There’s Ashley Cuzzolino She took me to the beach. She got me to go to the beach and I got in the water. And I got f***ing sunburned on the inside of my thighs HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Because I sat indian-style like a dumba** talking to her the whole time. WHAT? So I was burnt on the inside my side thighs all the way to my toes. So how long are we gonna stay here? I’m like, I don’t know? A couple hours? I’m like, can we go? I’m so f***ing hot! And she’s all tan I’m like the white fat guy next hot girl! ICE ICE ICE BABY No! This is Dorothy. HI DOROTHY. OHHH, YOU’RE CUTE!! She does tricks. SHOW ME TRICKS. AWWWW She’s cute. YEAH!!!!! She turned! SHE’S CUTE! HI DOROTHY There’s our previous guest star. THERE’S KAY! YEAH! I like that coat. I KNOW! REALLY! I want jacket like that IT WEARS BETTER CLOTHES THAN ME THERE IS IKAROS. The long coat. WHO KEEPS BEATING MY DOGS. BUT HE IS AN AMAZING DOG. AND WE WENT TO CHINA TOGETHER. IS THAT YOUR POOP? IS THAT YOUR POOP LAYING THERE? Excuse me ma’me OHHHHH THERE WE GO. OK! ALRIGHT That’s Taffe’s son. Yeah! THAT IS! Yeah! And that’s the other son and that’s Linda’s assistant. Linda Pitt’s assistant. NICE!! HI! Hi!! They have the best smiles. YES! THIS MAKES ME HAPPY! When I grow up I want to be tall like the McFadden’s. YES!!! Just the record. Does it flip it when we film this. IT DOES. ok good. HAVE YOU NOT WATCHED ANY OF OUR EPISODES? Because I was inappropriate last night HE WAS GETTIN’ BIZ-ZAY shushhhhh There’s gonna be a lot of beeping on this show. THERE’S A LOT! It has already started. It’s probably gonna be like and we’re at
the Greenville dog show. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep Yes, Drunken Dog Show You must YouTube it! I even participated once. YES She Did! SHE DID It’s all her show. ALL ME I just say f**k a lot. You just participate RIGHT TIFFANY. THAT IS TIFFANY I know. Tiffany
is a good friend of mine. NO! THE DOG’S NAME IS TIFFANY I know that HEY! (LAUGHS) I LOVE ARMONDO. I do too I FOUND NEW LIPSTICK LOOK AT THIS OH S**T! You’re a liar. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY ON Is it gonna be what happens to your hair too. Like We get through two groups your hair it’s going to fade You have to do a lot of editing A SHIT-TON This is like 23 minutes I KNOW THAT’S WHY WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT MY STUFF AND ARE LIKE, OH MY GAWD IT’S 23 MINUTES LONG, Yeah! I AM NARROWING DOWN LIKE 3 HOURS OF FOOTAGE. Right. So there. YOU’RE WELCOME! Right! WE HAVE THE POMERANIAN, THE HAVANESE, THE PUG AND THE AFFENPINSCHER And , uh, we have to pee. Good. I MADE IT! OH YEAH! Do I have time to go? Can I go pee? GO! Ok GO GO GO. I GO THIS! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT GROUP IS NEXT OH WORKING. WE GOT WORKING COMING IN AND HERE WE GO. HERE THEY ARE! THAT’S THE GREAT DANE. THAT’S THE BIG DOG. AND THE BLACK BIG DOG. AND THE BOXER AND ANOTHER BLACK BIG DOG AND ANOTHER REALLY BIG DOG I THINK I KNOW THAT BUT I DON’T KNOW THAT’S A DOBERMAN PINSCHER I DON’T KNOW THE ROTTWEILER. OH! THAT’S THE (LAUGH) AUSTRALIAN MALAMUTE. RIGHT? YEAH! THAT’S A HUSKY. THAT’S A WATER DOG I DON’T KNOW THAT’S A LOT OF BIG DOGS HE’S BACK! Everybody wants to be in this corner with us. THAT’S A CUTE DOG. WHAT IS THAT. It’s a Kuvasz A WHAT? A Kuvasz. KUVASZ? HI KUVASZ GETTING SOME WATER. IT’S PROBABLY REALLY HOT IN HERE. it’s very hot in here. I need someone to squirt water in my mouth. Water! WE CAN’T SEE IT. And another a** got in the way. OHHHHH That’s a Newfoundland NICE It’s black. IT’S A BLACK NEWFOUNDLAND. Another f**king dog that I can’t see. This is Wendy. HI WENDY. Hi. One of my top five favorite
people. She has cranky tension on her face right now. I do! I have seen it across the
ring during toy group. THAT’S CALLED STANDING BITCH FACE! I have that all the time. RIGHT? It’s like all smiles or all bitchy. YES! NO I MEAN I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. PEOPLE ARE LIKE ARE YOU MAD? NOOOO. I’M REALLY FINE It’s not even resting. It’s thinking If I’m thinking. EXACTLY! AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU AT? YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW. BY THE WAY, LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR DOG. It’s a Swissy. Greater Swiss. HI! YOU KNOW, THEY ALL GOTTA START OUT SOMEWHERE. That’s right! AND LOOK AT WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START! YOU’RE SO CUTE! THAT IS THE AUSTRALIAN MALAMUTE! Get Out! LOOK AT! HI! This is Ben He’s my pretend dog show kid. Dog show wife (wave) This is my dog show wife Is that my puppy? That’s your puppy. THAT IS YOUR PUPPY! Scars my skull That’s Taboo! HI TABOO! Great Pyrenees wins the group. NICE Boxer’s second The Akita third And the Doberman fourth. AND THE DOBIE. VERY NICE! THE FLUFFY DOG, THE BIG DOG. Big Dog. THE BIG DOG Another Dog. The Canaan Dog THE BIG DOG There’s so many. There’s a lot of dogs! THERE’S A LOT OF BIG DOGS. LOOK AT THAT. AND A LOT OF BUTTS! Yhep! We look good today. WE DO LOOK GOOD! TELL ME ABOUT YOUR AMAZING DOG HERE This is actually a daughter of our famous Mimi This is her first time in the group ring. NICE! Yes, she won the Breed today… NICE… from her 12 to 18 month class. You know, when you have young dogs, which is important to think about, they might win the breed that day but they are not sometimes ready to go in the group. And you can ruin a dog by doing that. But she’s doing great. I felt today that she was really, really clicking. I think that’s important to remember, even though they win the breed, if it’s a young dog It can cause damage. THIS IS BIG! All the noise. The Pressure. Different Breeds! She might never have seen that YHEP! YEAH! EXACTLY THEY ARE USED TO BEIGN WITH THEIR OWN BREED. ABSOLUTELY! YOU ARE THE BEST! WITH A TRAY! OHHHH Yes that’s what I need is just an apron YOU ARE AWESOME! I have an apron in the setup for you. Oh there you go! YOU’RE AWESOME! HI! BEAUTIFUL DOGGIE! I know! Look at her dress! Her suit! I KNOW! OHHHHHHH YOU KNOW I HEAR THERE’S MOVIES, WHOLE VIDEOS THAT JUST TALKING , YOU JUST TALK INTO THE CAMERA AND YOU EAT FOOD THERE’S A NAME FOR IT. Disgusting? WELL, THERE’S THAT. How about that? Is that some kind of weird porn? YES I’m not into that. I am not into food porn. ARE YOU INTO PORN? Oh Yeah! It’s Savannah! SAVANNAH!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO Border Collie. BURGER IN MY MOUTH! I’M OUT! Could we do two groups at a time? I WISH! THAT WOULD BE NICE. They no idea what we go through over here. NO! They all get a break. TAKE US INTO CONSIDERATION AS THEY SHOW THEIR DOGS. That’s the Canaan Dog CAN-NIN? Cannan C A N N A N CAN-NIN-NIN-NIN ARE YOU DIPPING YOUR HAMBURGER LIKE A TWO YEAR OLD DOES? So now i’m double dipping. INTO YOUR OWN JUICES THAT IS CUTE. WHAT IS IT? It’s a Polish Lowland Sheepdog A LA-LA-LE-LU Spanish Water Dog with Janet Rahn SHE’S AWESOME! (BURP) OHHHHH S**T! That’s a record number of burps. I KNOW We’re gonna have to get you off Keto WE’RE AT FIVE? That’s like seven So it’s the Pembroke Welsh Corgi, the Australian Shepherd The Polish Lowland Sheepdog And the Norwegian Buhund They’re starting I HAVE TO GO PEE! I Know! They’re Star-Ting! I will just keep her seat warm. Alright! The next group in the sporting group. Judged by Mr. Jamie Hubbard. Thanks! We’re gonna try to do this, Gordon Setter, Curly Coat Retriever Irish Setter, Labrador Retriever Here comes the Vizsla German Shorthair Pointer Oh go PB Now it’s. I’m done! I can’t do it! Too many! Too fast! A dog. Another dog. Oh I know that’s a Weimaraner. Another dog. Weimaraner. Oh this is. There’s no room for anyone to move. I PUT LIPSTICK ON. I’M TELLING YOU OUTSIDE OF EATING A HAMBURGER THIS S**T STAYS ON Outside of rubbing it with your finger earlier. BUT STILL! SERIOUSLY. THIS STUFF IS GOOD! I’m not putting it on. I’m We can still get you a good one. See it’s perfect Here! I’ve got some left. IS THERE ANY LEFT IF THERE? Yeah! SO WHERE IS THE CLUMBER? THAT’S A VERY NICE CLUMBER, From the classes. FROM THE CLASSES! NICE! This is Andrea Casterline. We never
introduced her. Hi, i’m Andrea Casterline. TELL US ABOUT YOUR DOGGY It’s a Gordon Setter. GORDON SETTER! WHAT’S YOUR DOGGIE’S NAME? Pain In The Butt. PAIN IN THE BUTT. I LIKE IT! HIGH PAIN-IN-THE-BUTT! It comes from Vizsla’s and German Wirehair Pointers Oh Really? OH! LOUIE!!!!! HI LOUIE!!! This is like the biggest a** episode we have ever had. LIKE SERIOUSLY! And that’s no offense to the size of some a**es. NO! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A** SIZES. JUST TALKING ABOUT THE SHEER NUMBER OF A** We have the Vizsla, the Irish Setter the English Cocker Spaniel and….. the Brittany I DO LIKE HIS TIE. Look at that tie with his shirt. Pretty! OH LOOK AT THAT! MATCHING ALL THE COLORS Can we get a close up of you tie and shirt? IT’S VERY…WE LIKE IT! It’s pretty I didn’t buy it. (laugh) It’s ok.You don’t have to tell anyone It was a gift It’s really nice! IT MATCHES. WAS THE SHIRT AND THE TIE A GIFT? Like the two pattern came together. OH IT CAME TOGETHER. OKAY YOU KNOW IT’S FINE. IT’S ALL GOOD. I STILL LIKE IT. I like to watch people eat more of the bait than they give to their dogs when they’re in the ring OR THEY REACH IN THEIR BOOB. I have a confession. I eat hotdogs. I love raw hotdogs! I DO TOO! SOMEBODY SAID THEY WERE GONNA GO GET ME A RAW HOTDOG No, they said it was from their pants But it was a woman! YOU HIT THE TABLE EVERY SINGLE CAMERA VIBRATES! We have to have a bigger… BECAUSE YOU CAN’T KEEP YOUR FEET TO YOURSELF She’s bitching that I’m hitting the table and I’ve got…She’s got like um. Oh look. I’m going up your skirt. There’s all this room. All this room for her to stretch out. She has the most beautiful pantyhose on. She has the shortest legs on Earth and I’m not tall but I have longer legs than her Look at that. I KNOW RIGHT? HERE! Arghhhhh I hate pantyhose But I have no room and then I get b**ched at for touching the f**king table SCHIPPERKE, DALMATIAN, POODLE Standard Poodle AND… Keeshond Luckily this was not a scratch-and-sniff show You’re gonna make me spit my drink out Or full taste. Or full flavor show. THE S**T THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. I don’t know where it comes from. WHERE DOES IT COME? WHERE DOES IT BREW? My parents were so quiet. HOW DID THEY MAKE THIS? I don’t know. WERE YOU ADOPTED? The Bluetick Coonhound Kacie has a nice friends. Her Blueticks are really nice though THERE IS HER MOTHER. THERE IS HER MOM. YOU’RE CUTE! Fox Hound. Linda Pitts VERY CUTE! HEEEEE WE HAVE LITERALLY HAD THE ENTIRE SHOW. Like we haven’t been able to…WE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. Asses. WE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING We can’t see anything. SO WE HAVE BEEN INTERVIEWING PEOPLE Oh, Ok. AND DOGS. WE COMPLEMENTED YOUR BUTT ON OUR FIRST EPISODE. Oh Really? Yes! Excellent! IT WAS AWESOME! AND HERE IS LINDA’S BEAUTIFUL BUTT! WHAT HYA DOING? HI BUDDY! Let’s see the Borzoi Rhanda. This is Rhanda Glenn with the Borzoi. HI! Rhanda always has the best dresses. YES YOU DO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DRESS! She does! Always full of colors and they’re beautiful. FUN! And somebody asked me the other day, they said is this a such and such such and such dress? And I went I don’t know! Marietta bought it up at the Goodwill for me It was a dollar two ninety-eight! Right? You guys make dog shows fun. This is fun! THANK YOU! THAT’S WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE. It’s fun! This is fun ya all! THAT’S WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE. It’s supposed to be fun. My job is not suck. My job is wonderful! I love my job. That’s what I always tell people. Like at the end of the day like the worst part of your day is you might have had to pick up some poop. DOG POOP! RIGHT! THATS THE WORST PART OF YOUR DAY And the best part of your day is all day long your with dogs. YOU’RE WITH DOGS. RIGHT! Because this can all piss you
off and you can loose or whatever but the dogs are like, Heeyyyy! I LOVE YOUUUUU! And they love it! THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT Judge is making a cut. Woo Sarah! MAKING CUTS? CUTS! CUTS! I LOVE WHEN THEY MAKE CUTS BECAUSE THEN I CAN ACTUALLY SEE WHAT’S IN THE RING! Whippet. AND THE WHIPPET! GETS A GROUP ONE Ridgeback. CASSANDRA AND THE RIDGY PBGV ( Petit Basset Griffon Vendéen) PBGVGV and the Basset! This is the Great Pyrenees With Angela Loyd The Vizsla THE VIZSLAAAAA VERY NICE I wish my legs were that long. I KNOW RIGHT? AND HERE WE GO. AND IT’S THE WHIPPET! YEAH!!!! Thank you Cheslie. THANK YOU AND THERE’S THE SCHIPPERKE AWWWWWWW Pembroke Welsh Corgi with Kara Janiszak TAKE IT! Vizsla! MY HAIR IS LOOKING BETTER. Your hair looks, so like We had great hair for you in the first show and my beard had roots The second show Well I looked really good and you hair was awful! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! Now I’ve got good color. It’s probably the poison from the spider. FROM THE SPIDER! RIGHT! And your hair is amazing! BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK THE POISON HAS PUFFED OUT ALL OF YOUR WRINKLES

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