So the other day I was playing The Last Of Us and I got to the part with Tommy and I encountered this cute little pooch So I says to myself, I says… I says “who’s the pooch?” Turns out Billy Joe was thinking the same thing cuz he pulled a button prompt out of his ass to let me get down and dirty on that doggy Tommy drives in, he’s like “oh that’s Buckley doesn’t make for much of a guard dog but he’s good to have around.” Joel says “good boy” And that’s it! Really? We’re just going to pull away from this Buckley situation after playing all these dog related questions in my head? What kind of dog is Buckley? What are his favorite treats? Do people have cute nicknames for Buckley? such as “Uncle Buck” “Bucky the Vampire Slayer” Buckle up, it’s a fucking dog. And this right here is my problem. This is why I don’t sleep. This is why I wish video games sometimes were actually just dogs because if I can’t actually interact with the dogs in these goddamn video games I may as well just be playing a real dog One that’s not fucking naughty. And this is only one of many examples of dogs being teleported into the cyber realm but This goddamn Buckley incident pushed me over the edge so now I’m going to talk about dogs and video games for an entire video. Dogs have been featured in some pretty big games you know, Call Of Duty dedicated an entire franchise to dogs, Kane and Lynch 2 was all about a day in the life of a dog and Apparently Fable 2 had a dog in it, but I never played that game so. What? But what kind of purpose can a dog have in a video game other than being euthanized by a vampire veterinarian? Also “Vampire Veterinarian” sounds like the title of a pretty sick video game and i don’t mean games like Nintendogs that are purely focused around a dog because that’s not very engaging and also I got a fuckin- I got a PSP I don’t got a fucking DS I’m talking about how dog have been incorporated into other genres like Action-Adventure-Stealth-PGs And how we can improve on their addition to the interactive Storytelling realm, like Resident Evil 4 had dog or wolf variant that you could free that would later Bless you with his presence once again, but the Buckley stops there. I can’t tell him which one of us is a good boy I can’t pet him. I can’t give him a mixed herb that increases max HP. This is lackluster. This is Bogus. I want you to take me home. on the dog scale of video games this kind of dog feature gets a Bad Boy out of Good Boy for just straight teasing me. Some games let you have a sidekick in the key of D such as Grand Theft Auto 5, which was a welcome improvement You can cruise around with the dog, you can play fetch with the dog you can murder-suey with the dog This was a pretty good dog, except two things: You can’t take the dog with you on most dumb-ass story missions So he’s barely integrated in the game mechanics And you can’t pet the damn dog. Just lemme pet this damn dog! Metal Gear Solid 5 took the obvious next step in dog technologies letting you pet the dog as well as providing a variety of incentives to bring this little cutie with you letting me spend some quality time with his overpowered game breaking ass *laughs* fuck see this… this is the kind of stuff I like to see, this is- this is a glimpse into the endless possibilities of incorporating dogs into digital playgrounds But then the narrative barely uses the damn dog and instead focuses on the stupid naked girl with her stupider dumb-ass friends I hated those boss fights I just want a story that focuses on building a relationship with a dog, I don’t care about some convoluted plotline featuring Buttcheeks over here with a fucking Cowboy hat fallout 4 also did the dog companion thing where you can grabby stuff, carry stuff, murder stuff, do cool tricks but two things: Along with breaking the game and disappearing all the time… You can’t pet the damn dog. What the fuck?! I thought we got over this whole not-petting-dogs thing! Breath Of The Wild It has dogs, you can feed the dogs, you can play with the dogs But you still can’t pet the dogs, like, imagine the last game plot same premise same setup except Sarah and Ellie are both Border Collies like seriously What if a dog was immune to the virus instead of an Ellen Page looking ass and you got to make a cross-Country road trip With a little cute Border Collie? and at first, like, you hate this fucking dog it’s- this dog is the worst but slowly over time you start Developing this relationship with this very good girl because she reminds you of another very good girl that got shot by a very very bad boy But seriously dogs can carry some- some pretty powerful emotional impact, like, what if you’re in a game And you had to save your dog from some dog-eating people. That are gonna eat your dog. Or, like, make it a I Am Legend type of situation where it’s just a man and his dog against a world of e- oooh Shit, If Movies Were Games: I Am Legend. Let’s stop talking about this now. Point is: Let’s get more dogs incorporated into games. We’ve made some great strides Especially when you could pet the dog But I think we can do better, don’t just have the dog be a cute little gimmick tacked on to the game Build the game around the relationship with a person and their best friend and what the two of them are capable of doing together Maybe it’s a survival type game, where you gotta build shelter and fight animals to survive, but instead of killing wild dogs You can befriend them and train them and build a couple dog houses Snuggle em up at night. If a game like this already exists please let me know, and I’m sorry I didn’t Know about the dog game or maybe a game takes place in Alaska and you could train and develop a relationship With some Siberian huskies to be sled dogs so you can get around the map faster like a- like a Cuba Gooding Jr. situ- aww shit, If Movies Were Games: Snow Dog. UUUUUH Don’t just let me kill the dog let me befriend the dog, let me protect the dog, let me spend some quality time with a good boy or a good girl in a game that Goes all in on incorporating dogs into it’s game world You know we keep trying to have better graphics and more realistic AI for human characters and facial Animations and dialogue, which is all good and Dandy, but I think gaming could use a nice injection of the Magic and Spiritual Guidance of our beloved four-legged friends Let’s hear it for the dogs Let’s hear it for the dogs! pet some doggies with ya haaaa yeah yeah yeah ha-hands! Let’s hear it for my puppies! You know they want to just be peeeeeeeeeet Oooh pet all these doggies oh, I just want to pet them slow whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s hear it for the dooooogs! Let’s hear it for the dogs, yeah. It’s about the fucking dooogs.